10 Ideas to Honor Your Loved One’s Birthday After Their Death

Grief emotions

What to expect and how to prepare

When a loved one has died, their birthday doesn’t disappear. It still circles the calendar year after year, often stirring up a mix of feelings. You might dread the day, long for it, or feel unsure what to do with it.

You’re not alone.

“Special days like [my husband’s] birthday, our anniversary, and the date of his passing are very hard days when they come. But I have found ways to make them special still.” Marne

Anticipating your loved one’s birthday can bring emotional ambushes. These waves of grief often surprise you, even if the loss occurred months or years ago. You might feel sad, angry, numb, or even guilty for having moments of joy. All of that is normal.

As marriage and family therapist Ron L. Deal, whose son died, explains, “After a while, you learn your own ‘grief style’ as it relates to those days. … Anticipating, planning, and doing what you need to do on those days is really important.”

Planning for the day

Don’t wait for the day to arrive to decide how you want to spend it. Making a plan gives you a sense of direction and calm, even if your emotions change.

Try this:

Choose activities that will match your energy level and emotional needs. (See below for meaningful ideas regarding what you might do that day.)
Write down your plan so you’re not left wondering what to do.
Ask God for help deciding what your day should look like and pray for strength!

Counselor Dr. Michelle Dickens says, “I always encourage people to plan their day. When the mind has a schedule, it can help you function.”

Even if you change your mind later, having a written plan helps you stay grounded.

10 creative and meaningful ways to honor your loved one

These ideas can help you make the day personal, sacred, and even joyful. Choose one or two ideas from the list, or let the list spark other ideas better suited to you and your loved one. Think of these ideas as invitations to remember, reflect, and reconnect with the love that remains.

1. Spend the day doing one of their favorite things

What did they love to do? Watch a baseball game, take photos or read a book at the lake, eat kettle corn while people-watching? Consider making their birthday “a day in their honor.”

One family visits their dad’s favorite diner, then goes home to play the board game he always won. Another woman shared, “On my daughter’s birthday, we ate her favorite candy, told stories, and then gave her friends little memory jars.”

You might:

Watch a movie they loved.
Walk in a spot they found relaxing.
Bake their favorite cookies and share them.
Wear their favorite color.

Make the day yours. Make it theirs.

2. Cook or bake their favorite meal

Food can stir deep emotions and shared memories. Was there a dish they always made? A dessert they couldn’t resist? Prepare it in their honor.

Gather with others and talk about what that food meant. Was it the way they made it? The way they shared it? One woman shared how her family now makes her husband’s favorite lasagna on his birthday and plays his favorite music during dinner.

3. Light a memory candle and create a quiet space

A small flame can hold great meaning. Light a candle and place it somewhere visible throughout the day. Next to it, you might display a photo, a journal, or a verse that was meaningful to your loved one.

This simple gesture invites reflection. Some people light the candle during breakfast and say a prayer, while others keep it burning through the evening, offering a moment of silence at dinner.

4. Visit their gravesite—or their favorite peaceful place

You can bring fresh flowers, a note, or even a cup of their favorite coffee. If the cemetery feels too heavy, go instead to a park bench where you used to sit together, a hiking trail they loved, or a garden they tended. One family spends the day at their dad’s favorite fishing lake, which is where they feel closest to him.

5. Give a gift in their honor

What mattered to your loved one? You could make a donation to a charity, sponsor a child, or volunteer for a cause they believed in.

One grieving mom wanted to help her family hold on to memories of her husband on his birthday. She found tiny wooden cake toppers and hand-painted them to include meaningful symbols—like his initials and the date. “They were small, but everybody got one, and we cried and laughed and remembered together.”

6. Release a balloon note

Marne and her children each wrote a note to their dad, Jeff, on his birthday and attached it to helium balloons that they released. It was their way of including him in the day.

You might write about a memory, something you wish you could say, or simply “I miss you.” The release can bring a sense of peace—and a visual reminder that your love is still reaching out.

7. Play their favorite music or create a playlist

Music brings back voices, moods, and memories. Spend part of the day listening to songs they loved—maybe while looking through photo albums or simply resting. You could also make a playlist and share it with friends and family.

8. Write them a letter or journal entry

Grief often leaves words unsaid. Writing a letter to your loved one lets you release those words in a safe, healing way.

Say what you’ve been doing. Mention the milestones you wish they’d seen. Thank them. Tell them you miss them. Revisit this tradition each year.

You could write about what you’d tell them if they walked in the door today. And over time, seeing these letters can help you realize how much you’ve grown—and how much you still carry your loved one with you.

9. Buy or do something they would have enjoyed

Marne shared, “Sometimes we’ll buy a gift that he would have liked that we can enjoy together as a family, a game or an activity that helps us remember him as we play.”

Maybe it’s a movie they wanted to see, a tech gadget they’d geek out over, or a new book by their favorite author. You’re continuing their legacy in everyday moments.

10. Gather with others and tell stories

Karen takes her kids to their dad’s favorite restaurant. “I sit back and they share stories about their dad ... and I don’t enter that conversation, but just observe it. Their memories are not my memories. It’s interesting what they remember, and it brings me joy.”

You don’t have to host a big event. Just invite a few close friends or family members to sit around a table and remember. You could prompt each person to share a funny memory, a lesson they learned, or what they miss most.

How to keep from being overwhelmed

Even with a plan, the day might still feel heavy. That’s okay. Here are some ways to manage:

Give yourself grace. You don’t have to be okay. Let yourself cry or laugh.
Scale back expectations. This day isn’t about productivity.
Talk to someone. Call a friend who understands.
Take breaks. If emotions surge, step outside or rest.
Remember you’re not alone. Others in your GriefShare group or church may be thinking of you.

“The anticipation of the holidays is worse than the actual day itself. … The more we prepare, the less painful impact the actual day may have.” Mel Erickson, hospice social worker

And it’s true—often the lead-up to the birthday is harder than the day itself. So be gentle with yourself not just on the day, but in the days before and after.

Where to find support

GriefShare groups meet weekly to walk with you through the ups and downs of loss. Whether it’s your loved one’s birthday, a holiday, or just another Wednesday, you don’t have to carry the weight alone.

Whether this is your first birthday without them or the tenth, you can make it through the day. It won’t always feel this hard. And in the remembering, God meets you with His comfort, His presence, and His peace.