As an only child, it was always just my mom, my dad, and me. I was also a late bloomer, so I didn’t get married until age 42. My wife was, and is, a godsend. She has helped me in countless ways.
During the COVID pandemic, my dad went a bit insane. He essentially kept himself and my mom locked up in their home for several years with little to no contact from outsiders, including me. He was scared that his wife would get COVID and die. He was also scared that he would too. Neither one did, but they certainly lived in fear, as did many other people worldwide.
The day of my mom’s 78th birthday, my parents allowed my wife and me to visit with them outdoors on their back porch. Immediately after we left, she collapsed and was dead hours later. This was in October 2021. Now we were faced with dealing with Dad, who wasn’t right in the head. It turns out he had frontotemporal dementia. He became a phantom version of himself—treating us poorly, yelling at us, shaking his fists, telling us he knew what was true and we were always wrong.
After Dad passed away in February 2023, I was doing an exercise class at a local YMCA pool. A woman in the pool mentioned that a GriefShare group was starting up at a local church and I should consider it. I went, and those weekly meetings had such a positive impact.
GriefShare, for me, involved caring leaders—who had both experienced losses—showing us informative and relatable videos about loss, as well as discussions afterward among the group of 8–12 people gathered in a circle in a room at church. I heard stories about all sorts of losses: fathers losing their kids to overdoses, wives losing their husbands to old age, and fellow adult “kids” losing their parents to health issues.
Hearing people talk about the loved ones they lost, and how they’re coping with emotions and processing grief, was helpful to me because I saw I wasn’t alone in my grief. I learned that everyone’s grief journey is unique. For some, it takes years to deal with a particular loss, while others feel better faster. Perhaps the best takeaway I got from GriefShare was this: In order to heal, you must face your pain and walk through it, one step at a time. And GriefShare gave me practical tips, encouragement, and strength to do just that.
Over the course of several meetings, I appreciated that GriefShare meetings incorporated the Bible and what Scripture says. I saw how faith in God is so important when dealing with grief because God is, in the end, our source of healing.
Interestingly, my wife and I are now attending the church that hosted the GriefShare group, and we get to see the group leaders weekly as well as some of the participants. It’s comforting being with others who know about my losses and care about me. They want to see me feeling better about it all—and I do. GriefShare lifted the weight of loss off my shoulders. Connecting with others who’ve lost loved ones, talking about our feelings and issues, and ultimately relying on God for guidance and healing during this difficult time allowed me to heal rather than become bitter or angry.
Do I still miss my parents? Certainly. But I realize that we all have a certain amount of life to live, and when it’s over, we can’t change that, we can’t “bring them back.” So I cling to positive memories of my parents and every now and then see reminders of them in the places we’d go, the shows we’d watch, or the people we’d meet. And I am doing well thanks to GriefShare. It truly helped me heal.
About GriefShare
GriefShare is a ministry that has been helping grieving people find comfort and guidance through its support groups and other resources for over 25 years. To find a GriefShare group near you or online, visit griefshare.org.
