When a close friend dies, the loss can feel as disorienting as the death of a family member. A close friend is chosen family. You shape one another’s stories, identity, and routines. That’s why this grief often includes a sense of lost belonging—who do you text first, sit with at church, call after a hard day? The world feels unfamiliar without the person who “got” you.
Yet because your friend isn’t a spouse, parent, or child, people may downplay your pain—leaving you to grieve in silence. Friendship weaves into daily life through shared history, private jokes, and steady presence; when it’s gone, the emptiness is real.
“[I] still carry the wound,” says physician Dr. Kathryn Butler about losing her friend David. “There are moments when we just long for our friends … to have those conversations that were so life-giving.”
While the grief of loss can feel disorienting, below is a guide to help you navigate why friend-loss hurts so much, what “normal” can look like, and practical ways to find support.
What “normal” looks like in this grief
You might have expected to feel sad and cry—or maybe you’ve felt too numb to express emotions right now—but it’s important to know that grief doesn’t just affect your emotions; it can also affect you physically as well. If you’ve been having concentration problems, fatigue, sleep changes, or waves of anxiety, all of this can be caused by grief. And all of it is normal.
Stacie (who lost a friend to suicide soon after her mother’s accident) shares how grief “added dimensions emotionally that were very tough to deal with. … I kept busy and pretended to be fine, but inside I was unraveling.”
Takeaway: Physical and emotional complexities are normal in grief. You’re not “doing it wrong” if your grief doesn’t fit others’ expectations.
Four ways to cope and heal
1. Honor your friend’s memory
Rituals and remembrance give love a place to go. Near the end of his life, David kept a simple bucket list—and one item was wanting to share his testimony with the church. After David died, Kathryn honored her friend’s desire to testify to God’s work:
“We held a session where I read his testimony … and we spent the time sharing our favorite memories of him all together [as a church].”
Try this: Host a dinner on your friend’s birthday, create a photo book, plant a tree, donate or volunteer in their honor, or start a small tradition that reflects who they were.
2. Share the weight with people who loved them
Isolation intensifies grief; community eases it. Talk with others who knew your friend, or with a support group that welcomes your story.
Amy describes her first GriefShare meeting: “I could say her name without feeling like people wanted me to move on. It was so soothing to release that tension.”
Pastor Thabiti Anyabwile shared the weight of his grief by visiting his late friend Marvin’s father. Remembering together with people who loved Marvin, he says, reminded them “that we weren't alone … maybe we were standing in that hole together a little bit,” bringing “a little more closeness and a little less emptiness.”
Try this: Tell stories with mutual friends, visit a meaningful place together, or write a brief tribute and share it with their family.
3. Express your grief honestly
Bottled grief tends to leak as anger, numbness, or exhaustion, but gentle expression helps.
Ideas: Write your friend a letter, keep a short daily journal (“Today I missed you when …”), compile a playlist of “your” songs, or talk with a counselor or pastor. Amy shares how journaling, in particular, helped her: “Journaling is very effective in getting what's in your head out of it. And once it's out and on paper, I believe your mind can rest on the subject. I've also found a great benefit to looking back on the journal and seeing how far I've come to know what state I was in when I wrote it. But to recall where I currently am has been empowering as well to know that I've made progress.”
4. Lean into faith and lament
Lament brings your pain to God rather than away from Him. Singer–songwriter Michael Card tells of a paralyzed friend who sensed the Lord’s nearness in suffering and prayed, “You don’t have to heal me. Just don’t leave me.” Michael’s friend “realized that I needed his presence more than I needed his provision … The end of lament is this experience of the presence of God.”
Grief doesn’t negate faith; faith holds grief. Scripture’s promise stands: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).
Try this: Speak a simple prayer (“Be near to me, Jesus”), read a psalm of lament (e.g., Psalm 13, 34, 42, 130), or write your own lament—name the pain, ask boldly, and cling to hope.
Practical checklist: Honoring your friend this month
Taking small steps each day can help give you a tangible way to lift the weight of your grief. Here are some ideas:
- One shared story: Tell someone a favorite memory this week.
- One tangible tribute: Place a photo where you see it daily, or wear their bracelet/hat on a walk.
- One connection: Text a mutual friend; ask, “What do you miss most these days?”
- One act of service: Do something your friend loved—volunteer, cook their signature dish, share their favorite book.
- One faith step: Read a psalm aloud; pray, “Lord, hold me by my right hand” (Psalm 73:23).
Where to find comfort and community
Healing happens best in community, and it’s important to know that you don’t have to carry this alone. At a GriefShare group, you’ll find a safe place to speak your friend’s name, tell the truth about your pain, and learn steady tools for the days ahead.
“[GriefShare] radically changed and transformed my life” Amy says. “It gave me my life back.”
Next steps:
- Find a GriefShare group near you or online to connect with people who understand what you’re going through.
- Learn how GriefShare works—what to expect, how sessions help, and ways to keep healing between meetings.
Your friend mattered. Your grief matters. And you’re not alone in this. With time, support, and the God who stays, you can carry their love forward.
