If you’ve lost someone close to you, the idea of facing Thanksgiving can feel impossible. Maybe it’s the empty chair at the table or the quiet where laughter used to be, or the thought of putting on a brave face while everyone else seems fine.
When grief is fresh—or even if it’s been a while—Thanksgiving can feel more painful than comforting. You may find yourself asking, Should I feel thankful? Do I put up decorations this year? Is it wrong to skip the family gathering? How do I get through this day without them? The questions are heavy, and the answers aren’t always clear.
The truth is, there’s no “right” way to do Thanksgiving when you’re grieving. There are ways to approach it that can ease the burden and give you space to heal.
Acknowledge that it’s going to be hard
One of the most helpful things you can do is be honest with yourself: This Thanksgiving will be different—and that’s okay.
Many people in grief feel pressure to keep things “normal” for others. But the weight of pretending can be exhausting. You don’t have to be cheerful. You don’t have to do it all. You are allowed to grieve.
As one GriefShare participant shares, “The first Thanksgiving, I just focused on getting through the day.”
Permit yourself to change traditions
You don’t have to do Thanksgiving the same way you’ve always done it.
Some people choose to skip the big family dinner and do something quieter or entirely different. Others keep a few traditions but adjust them to match their emotional capacity. You might even start a new tradition that honors your loved one’s memory.
Here are a few ideas:
- Light a candle at the table in your loved one’s honor
- Share a favorite memory before the meal
- Write them a letter and read it privately
- Volunteer somewhere as a way to give back
If something feels too painful this year, it’s okay to say no. And it’s also okay to change your mind.
Prepare for emotional ambushes
Grief can hit without warning—especially during the holidays. A particular smell, song, or dish can bring back a wave of emotion. You might cry in the middle of the grocery store or feel suddenly numb during dinner.
That’s normal. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you loved deeply—and you’re still learning how to live with that loss.
“Just when I think all is well—that’s when the grief shows up. And I am overwhelmed with the fact he’s gone, and I begin to cry,” says Clarissa, a GriefShare participant.
When those emotions come, let them. You don’t have to explain or apologize for your tears.
You don’t have to face Thanksgiving alone
One of the most complex parts of grief is feeling like no one understands, but some people do.
GriefShare’s Surviving the Holidays is a special 2-hour event that offers practical tips and biblical encouragement for people facing the holidays after loss. You’ll hear from others who’ve been where you are—and you’ll walk away with a plan for how to navigate Thanksgiving and Christmas with more peace and less anxiety.
You don’t have to do this on your own. Find a Surviving the Holidays event near you.
A final word of encouragement
You may feel like Thanksgiving will never be the same again—and in some ways, it won’t be. That doesn’t mean it will always feel this heavy. Little by little, healing happens.
For now, take one step at a time. Give yourself grace. And let others—especially those who understand grief—walk with you.
You are not alone.
